when something hurts real bad and never quite goes away, there comes a time when you just stop crying because there's either no more energy left to do so or because the novelty of the pain goes away and it becomes just another part of your life.  i think that's where im at right now.  yet, the pain continues to naw at me.  i tried to have patience with it, thinking that time would heal or that someday i would gain new insight, perspective, or direction that would take me away from this place... it hasnt happened yet.  im so confused that im afraid to move.  i dont want to make the same foolish mistakes that ive seen so many other people make.  im wondering when or if God will turn these ashes into something beautiful.